How Do They Fall?

Christmas was but a few days away and now there was a body lying at the centre of my living room floor. An unconventional rug.

“Why you have to do him like that?!”

A very good question, I did put a little extra into my punt that collided with the side of his skull. A bit much but not unnecessary.

“We’ll need to tidy this up”

“We?! I didnt want fuck all to with any of this.”

“And yet here you are, present at a murder scene.”

“man you is one crazy fuck. Look at the state of his head!”

“Get a grip mate. You come and lift him by his arms, I'll get the legs and we can drag him out into the garage. I've got some sheets we can put down which we can use to cut up the body and then we can load it into bin bags”

“Ah fuck, Fuck! Okay.”

His body wasn't anywhere near as heavy as I had expected so we raised him up and took the lifeless into the garage. Once there we placed him on the sheets. I made my way over to my work desk and grabbed a couple of hand saws.

“What you grabbed 2 them for?”

“You are going to help me arent you? Mate?”

“This the sort of thing mates do together now?”

“Ones as good friends as you and I”

“Fuck you man! Hey wait? Did you hear that?”

Sadly I did. There was someone at the door.

“Yeah lets just ignore that and carry on”

“Were you expecting anyone today?”

I was expecting a parcel. An important one at that, Christmas was so close and I needed this gift sorted ahead of the big day.

“Ill need to get this”

“You can't be serious..Hey! Where are you going?!”

I exit the garage back into the hallway and I can see the silhouette of a delivery driver, fantastic. Thankfully hes in a rush as well so I quickly collect the parcel from him and away he goes. However I am getting ready to close the door one of the neighbours, the annoying one is walking up my driveway. Whatever was her name? Linda maybe? Who fucking cares honestly.

“Whats all the commotion then?” she says

“Why its nearly christmas Linda, we are in festive glee over here!”

By the crunched up look she made with her face maybe Linda wasnt her name.

“What with those noises? It was terrible.”

“TV maybe? Die Hard is a christmas film afterall.”

“Thats absurd! I thought for sure I heard someone curse your name.”

She was starting to build into a problem wasn’t she. Damn fool, damn unfortunate fool.

“Why dont you come in? Come check for yourself.”

And in she walked, I stood aside to let her through, in front of me with nowhere to turn. I guided her down the hallway and to the currently closed garage door. I let her open it.

I couldnt see her reaction but I saw her body tense up, the tensing of the shoulders, hands raising to her face. Despair and hopelessness. 

“Its okay, dont worry.” 

I reached across to the shelf just on the right of the entrance to the garage where there was a hammer placed right within arms reach. I grabbed it and I swung it down hard and fast to the back of her head. Her body fell in on itself and crashed to the floor like a sack of potatoes. As she was falling she tilted slightly forward causing her body to cross with the other brought in earlier.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

I threw the hammer onto the sheets.

“Got some real work on our hands now.”

“You are an actual psychopath.”

I couldn’t think of a reason to disagree with him. This one was somewhat avoidable. I just felt like it.

“I think she lives at home on her own?”

“I dont know? It's your fucking neighbourhood!”

“Check her pockets for her phone” 

“WHAT? You do it?!” 

I bent down over the newest corpse I had procured and searched through her pockets to see if I could locate anything.

“Nothing, no phone but her keys are here.”

“There aint no way you going over there”

“Might be a good shout to scout out the place”

“You have had so many choices you could have made today and so far you havent gotten one right.”

“You need to lighten up I reckon.”

He shook his head in disgust then looked back on the mess we had created for ourselves.

“What we gonna do then? 2 bodies going to be a lot harder to cut up and get rid of”

“There’s plenty of bin bags I think. We can bag up most of the carvings into that.”

“Yeah sure, whatever you say. You Patrick Bateman mothafucker.”

“Didnt know you read Brett Easton Ellis.”

“The fuck is that? Im on about that movie, you know with Christan Bale.”

“Yes I know, its based off of a book.”

“Are we really having this conversation right now?!”

“Fair enough. You should read more though.”

“You should try reading some books on how to not kill people.”

“Seeing as theres 2 bodies now we may as well cut up one each. Which would you prefer.”

“Oh my..”

He handled the knife limbly from one hand to other.

“Definitely not chopping up no woman”

“Okay sweet, Ill do for her then.”

Its much harder to carve through a person than you think. Not only that it fills up a lot more bags than you would like it to as well. After getting near halfway through this lady I began to notice the number of bags we had might not match up to the amount we needed. For some parts I needed to double bag it to stop the bag from splitting and to contain any fluid that wanted to leak through.

“Damn it man, you not got any more?”

“Dont think so. We will need to utlise the space better for the remaining parts.”

“Where we even going to dispose of these to anyway?”

“That will be my problem to solve, you've done more than enough already.”

“Oh I have? Well I'll be on my way off now then.” He got up to his face as if to leave but I edged myself slightly across the doorway.

“I was only kidding man. Hey at least I know if the bags are running shorts neither of us gonna do for the other now are we.”

I thought this was a rather strange thing to say, had he been considering doing for me to help cover himself? Or more likely he was worried I was going to rob him of his existence along with the other two.

“Why would that happen, we’re friends right?”

“Interesting way of describing it. You still havent even explained why you went cold blooded killer on this dude.”

“Thats not really any of your concern.”

“I think it damn well is when I'm carving up the dude's body.”

“Its not important.”

“Looked pretty personal if you ask me.”

“I enjoy my work, I like to do it with a passion.”

“What was the professional reason for killing him?”

“He was becoming a nuisance, a loose end that needed removing.”

“So you was planning all this before I got here?”

“In some ways, yes.”

“You never thought it was a good idea to give me the heads up beforehand? I thought you just wanted a hand getting the Christmas tree up! Not carving up bodies.”

As he said that a solution to our problem came into my mind.

“She must have some bin bags at her house.”

“What?!”

“ She has her keys on her right? I’ll go over there and grab some bin bags from hers”

“You crazy man, but yeah whatever.”

I gathered up her keys and made my way out of the garage and on towards the front door. Instead of going out the front door I make my way up the stairs and go to the storage cupboard which inside has some more bin bags already there. I move the bags aside and rummage through the cupboard till I find a small black box stationed at the base of the cupboard. I lift up the lid of the box to reveal a pistol with an attachment silencer ready to screw on. I collect it from the box removing the safety and head back downstairs. 

“Be back soon mate” I say. 

I open the door and slam it closed again without exiting through it. I turn back on my heels and head for the garage. The door is still slightly open and he's facing the opposite direction to me lent over observing something in his hands. I raise the pistol and fire 2 shots into the back of him. His body slides forward calmly, he has never seemed as stoic in his whole living life as he does now in death. As I move closer to him I notice what he was working on in his hands, one gripped on the pistol and off to the side of him his silencer, rolling away.

Great minds do think alike.